Proverbs...

Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:20-21)

This is why I love the book of Proverbs. Direct, and to the point in its own poetic way. How many of us lean to our own, fallible understanding on a daily basis? How many times do we rush into things without so much as a word of prayer to the one who holds our lives in His hands? Doesn't even make sense to deny it, we all have done it. Good thing our Father loves us, and understands our failings.

I've been dissatisfied for a good while now. Funniest thing is I didn't even realise it. So much for thinking that introspection was one of my strong points -_-. In any case, it's strange because I had such enthusiasm for what I was doing all through school--and now that I'm in the real world, I suppose it's not all I thought it would be. This is perhaps a classic case of depending on the world to meet needs that only God can fulfil--but at the same time that's not quite it. It's something about me, something about my own process of construction that's the problem. This reminds me of a time when my artistic ability became stagnate, and I would despair for hours wondering why I would never improve. Of course the answer was clear, I had outgrown that artistic stage, but it was almost as though in my mind I had reached the top--my limit so to speak. I was, for all intents and purposes, blind to what would come next. I recall speaking with York (best friend) about it once, sitting on a bench under that (accursed) mango tree where we used to wait for our parents. He said he was disappointed that I thought that. That's one thing I enjoyed about our bond--there was no need to sugar-coat things, because the truth was always the truth. No amount of buttering made it otherwise...that would only make it lose its value. Truths are hard, rarely soft.

And consequently I guess one truth I have to face is that I've come full circle--the only difference now is that I'm seeing a bit more clearly than when I was 16. I'm wondering where else to go now when there's a veritable sea in front of me. There's an island somewhere out there that will offer me something new--but I can't see it. What do I choose? Do I dive in as Steven Curtis Chapman sings...or do I remain within the comfortable boundaries of land? I cannot remain in this same position, I would merely drown in my own complacency. I want more--wisdom, faith, perseverance, everything. If only I could be more aggressive about it and not procrastinate all the time, then maybe I'd have gotten somewhere between 16 and now. But I suppose, we fall down so that we learn lessons about getting up. And that's where I am. There's a plan for me, as there's a plan for all of us. But once we start going forward, we must never go back. Never. Many of us stick at that decision and it's no wonder why. The commitment seems too huge. But our God has promised us that he has plans to prosper us and give us a hope and a future. There is no harm in Him. He didn't promise comfort, but He promised Grace, and that's all we will ever need.

...The question is...have you got that mustard seed? Plant it because Christ is at work within you.

As my supervisor often quotes when she's managed to solve a problem: "Jah-jah people forward ever, backward never!" I always get a good vibe hearing that. I think I'll end on that note.

Blessings!