There are different kinds of gifts...

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. - 1 Corinthians 12:4

For a good portion of the time, I often wonder what it is God has called me to do. Since the beginning I haven't been particularly special or outstanding in any way. I mean, I do okay academically, but otherwise there's nothing much in the way of a special gift. Seeing this verse though makes me wonder if I'm probably looking in the wrong places. I speak well (when it's called for) but I'm not so good when it comes to making friends...partly because I'm rather introverted too. Not to say that introverts are anti-social, but we do have a way of becoming socially exhausted which makes it appear that way. In any event, yeah I'm not really good at that stuff. But God used Aaron who didn't consider himself good speaker or leader to aid Moses. So there's got to be something I'm missing.

As of late I realise I've been drawn in particular to the area of apologetics. I just get excited when the opportunity arises to speak on and possibly defend articles of Scripture. To me that makes my day, even if I didn't do so well ('well' here meaning wasn't very successful in rebutting a view which I know to be false but couldn't articulate well enough). Could it be that perhaps this is what I need to do. I've also always wanted to start a Bible study somewhere, somehow. But how will I manage it? How do I let God work through me to draw people to Him?

I worry about these things pretty frequently. I know there's no reward without a risk, but I don't care for anything in return. Just knowing someone else is saved would make me happy. A large part of this is faith I know...and I'm basically getting in my own way. It's pretty selfish too, because I'm thinking what I'll look like before people, and not before God. I need to break myself of that. Terribly. Because I have a gift too, and if I don't let the Lord use it, then where's my purpose here? There is nothing else. I don't want the mundane life. Work, save, marry have kids. That's not enough. I don't mean to belittle it--marriage is a wonderful thing and so are kids. But in the end there's no benefit like having served God and having done it well. If men before me have got past their insecurities and their fears, if men before me have committed themselves to God on faith alone...then I should too. And with God's help, I will.

Blessings!